just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
