Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
