careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
