The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
