i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
