Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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