Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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