i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
