He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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