We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
