I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize