Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
