i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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