so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
