between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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