I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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