Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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