Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
