Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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