Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
