Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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