your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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