I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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