life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
