Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
