His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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