So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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