My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
