Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
