There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
