It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
