Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
