evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
