Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
