my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just cropdusted the office
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
