i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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