Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
