you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
