Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
