I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
