I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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