I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This toilet bowl is my home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
