I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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