I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
