the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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