hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
