Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
