The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
