its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize