I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
