And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
