it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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