woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
