Do you still have your period?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
