Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
