Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
