Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My bed smells like the plague
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
