Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
