Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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