it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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