Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
