I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
