Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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