I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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