The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
