my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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