Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
