the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
