If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
