i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
