You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
