he puts the penis in happiness.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
